


Don’t Blame It On Me

by blushingsamgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Beach House, Day At The Beach, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, F/M, Falling In Love, Hunter Sam, Kissing, Long-Suffering Sam Winchester, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Phone Calls, Rain, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Sweet Sam Winchester, Walks On The Beach, Wendigo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 01:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8646928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blushingsamgirl/pseuds/blushingsamgirl
Summary: Sam saved the reader’s life and keeps in touch with her throughout the years





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @ilostmyshoe-79‘s 20K fic Challenge on Tumblr. Based on the song prompt Wild Heart by Stevie Nicks. This idea just came to me and I couldn’t get it out of my head. Wrote more angst than I anticipated, oopsie.

You eventually blamed yourself.

If only you didn’t have a stubborn dreamlike hope in your heart.  
If only you moved on like any sensible person would.  
If only you never answered your phone.

But they were your life choices and through it all you’d do it all over again.

* * *

It was hard for you to recall how Sam and Dean Winchester saved you from the Wendigo all those years ago or the moment when you first learned the truth about the evils of the world. Those memories are fuzzy now, probably for the best. The one thing you do remember was sitting in the backseat of that old Chevy, shaking uncontrollably from the shock. They immediately brought you to their motel room. Sam lay you down on the bed, wrapped a blanket around you, and held you tight against him. He stayed that way with you all night, not once leaving your side as you drifted between calmness and nightmares.

The next morning, Sam looked at you apologetically saying that he and Dean had to leave for another town. It was then you understood that they needed to save others from trouble, as they did with you.

As they dropped you off at the nearest bus station, you thanked the brothers for their help, still feeling not quite yourself but still able to maintain some form of politeness. You were in a daze as you walked into the station, feeling lost without a friend in the world. That’s when Sam ran after you. Smiling sweetly he offered to exchange numbers, promising to check in with you from time to time saying he knew how important it was to have someone to talk to who knew about these things in the world. You gave him your number, appreciating the gesture but thinking to yourself that it was his way of comforting people he’s saved and left behind.

The first thing you did was take the next bus out of town since you wanted to get as far away as possible. You didn’t know where you fit anymore and to make such a big life change was overwhelming, but to your surprise, Sam called you the following week.

The first call was a little awkward. What do you say to someone who saved your life, clutched you tight all night, and left you at a bus station the next morning? You decided that all bets were off, keeping your guard down, and simply told Sam you hated everything, that you were overwhelmed by all the change. He didn’t seem fazed by your honesty, in fact, Sam gave you good advice about living on the road, tips on how to get by and be safe.

The calls became frequent, just quick moments while he was by himself - waiting in the car, in the motel room or even at a local diner. Sam to always call you, it was your request, for safety, saying you’d never forgive yourself if a phone call from you distracted him from saving someone’s life.

At first, the two of you talked about life on the road, dealing with change, and the different kinds of creatures that exist in this world. But then the subjects changed, things got more personal, but neither you or Sam pried about details, it was one of those unspoken rules of respect between the two of you.

Even though the calls were originally meant to support you, they gradually became support for Sam. You could tell when he was having a rough time and he knew he could always count on you and you loved that you could be there for him.

Then one day the calls stopped. You gave it some time… one week, two weeks, then a month. Three months passed until you broke down and tried to call him. No answer. You left a brief message for him, letting him know that you hoped he was safe and left it at that, not even entertaining the fact that the worst might have happened.

No, you believed that he’d call you one day.

* * *

Life went on and you managed to find yourself on the quiet and quaint coast of the Pacific Northwest, far away from where Wendigos resided. Taking all your savings from your years of life on the road, you managed to move into a beach house. It was a fixer-upper, but it was finally a place to call your own.

As you were unpacking, you heard the familiar chime of a ringtone and nearly dropped the box of glasses you were holding to pick it up.

You answered it with glee, rambling before he got a word in, “Sam! I can’t believe you’re calling. Oh, wow… I-I’m moving… well, that is to say, that I moved. I bought a beach house!”

Sam replied quietly, “That’s great, Y/N. Where did you move to?”

He asked for your address and told you that he’d visit you later in the day. There was something off with him but you were too thrilled that he’d be visiting you to worry.

You buzzed about your place, making sure you had everything set for your first visitor.

By the time Sam arrived, he couldn’t stop grinning. He was thrilled to see a friendly face after a long road trip and was happy to see that you’ve moved on from the trauma with the Wendigo. You were just as excited to see him, dropping everything and dragging him out to the beach.

It wasn’t ideal weather, drizzling rain on and off for the last hour but you knew not to let the weather dictate your life.

The two of you reveled in walking along the beach and catching up. When you asked him about his brother, his face fell and he remained quiet.

You didn’t pry but instead decided to distract him from any of the dark thoughts in his mind. With a poke on his side, you coaxed him to race, “first one in front of that big rock wins!” You sprinted along the wet sand, only to have Sam’s long strides dash ahead of you.

“No fair! Your legs are longer!” you jested, stopping in your tracks to catch your breath.

He turned around with a gleaming smile and dimples to match, picking you up in his arms only to run a few feet before and twirling you around. The entire time you were laughing at the carefree playfulness, feeling like a kid again. Your laugh was the most beautiful sound to Sam, making him forget all the screams and cries he’s had to endure these past few months. When he finally put you down, he cupped your face, his thumb brushing against your cheek and your smile softened.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he whispered, looking at you with a new warmth in his sunflower eyes.

You didn’t know it then but that was the moment you fell in love with Sam Winchester.

Still feeling carefree, you tipped your head up slightly, both asking and giving him permission to kiss you. Sam leaned in slowly, searching your face before your lips met in a gentle kiss. It was all soft lips and sparks, that instant connection like this is where you belonged and never wanted to be let go. You thought your beach house was your home, but it wasn’t, Sam was.

As you strolled back to the house, the two of you held hands in comfortable silence, only the relaxing sounds of the waves could be heard.

Just steps to your door, Sam got an abrupt call and the cheerful look on his face turned grim and you realized that he had to leave.

“Call me?” you asked with intent in your eyes. It was a simple request that asked for more than those two simple words, you meant ‘please come back to me one day and just stay’.

Sam could tell what you were asking. He cupped your face, swallowing hard before he spoke, “You know what I am, what I do. It’s dangerous.”

“All I’m asking is just a phone call, Sam,” you smiled, breathing hard lest the tears threaten your eyes.

All you wanted was hope and Sam gave it you in as he leaned in pressing his soft lips against your forehead with a sweet kiss. Wanting to treasure the feeling, you closed your eyes. The tears that threatened you earlier escaped the corners of your eyes, trailing down your cheek. Sam’s lips rested against your forehead, lingering as if he too were trying to capture this feeling for himself.

“I’ll try,” he whispered.

* * *

As a few years passed, you got the occasional phone call from Sam, at least one each season now. Each of the calls was unpredictable. Sometimes he’d sound happy to hear your voice, telling you a silly factoid he found while researching that he thought you’d enjoy or something funny he saw that make him think of you. When all else failed he tried to tell you a joke, almost always a bad one. His attempts to make you laugh always succeeded since you appreciated the effort. What you didn’t know was how much the sound of your laughter both thrilled and soothed him.

Life was good for you as well after those kinds of calls. For a solid month, you believed the sun shone brighter, food tasted better and music sounded livelier. You knew it was just a phone call, in reality, it didn’t mean anything, but it brought happiness to your life… because it brought you a part of Sam.

But then you’d get those calls where he’d ask you how you were doing in a somber voice. During those calls, you told him about all of the good things you had in your life, a life you were living because of him. Because he and his brother saved you from something so horrible that your mind wouldn’t dare let you remember.

You were there when he needed you most, you were living proof that Sam made a difference. You were his hope as much as he was for you.

* * *

It was summer now and you were enjoying the warm evenings. Listening to the sounds of the sunset waves as you sat on your sofa, the latest bestseller paperback in your hand, and as always your mind wandered. All you wanted to do was to indulge in simple pleasures of life, like sitting on the beach at dawn, waiting in anticipation to see the sunrise. The soft pinkish lavender sky at giving way to the brilliant amber hue of a new day, it was a beautiful sight that you longed to share with someone.

No, not someone, just Sam.

You often had time to daydream, harkening memories of that moment of pure joy on the beach as he twirled you around, the both of you not having a care in the world. Sighing at the recollection, you pondered what you’d do if Sam showed up at your door again. With a shake of your head you brushed off the thought, living in your head this way wasn’t healthy.

The attempt to read the paperback in your hand was futile as the sudden knock on your door caught your attention. In the few seconds, it took you to approach the door, the idea that it could be Sam popped in your head.

“Don’t be silly,” you muttered to yourself, feeling annoyed at your wishful thinking.

Your hand hesitated over the door knob, trying to reel yourself back to reality before opening and promptly freezing in place.

You couldn’t believe your eyes.

Sam Winchester, here, in the flesh. He was standing before you, tall and brawny. His chestnut brown hair slightly longer than the last time you saw him, with bangs long enough to tuck behind his ears and frame his chiseled features. He didn’t meet your eyes but a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips like he was happy to see you but ashamed to be at your door.

“Sam?” you questioned, sidestepping to let him in, you breathed out in shock, uncertain what to say, what to ask first, “Wh-…H-h…”

“I hitched a ride,” he began to explain.

Before he could say another word you rushed into him as if he’d disappear as if he’d cease to exist if you let one more second pass. Your arms wrapped around his waist, pressing yourself into him so you were able to hear his heartbeat. That was the sound you needed to let it finally sink in that he really was here. In your welcome embrace, you felt him breathe out, tension released from his body knowing that you were happy to see him. He wrapped his hands around your shoulders, kissing the top of your head.

Gradually, you pulled back from the embrace and looked up at him contently. His eyes were expectant for your onslaught of questions but there was only one you had in mind.

“Have you eaten?” you asked brightly.

He shook his head in a 'no’ as small dimples in his cheeks appeared.

While you prepared him some food, it felt as if no time passed as you and Sam caught up. The conversation was as easy as it could be, though he did drift off when he spoke about a demon named Ruby. You didn’t pry for details but the mention of another woman, a demon, created a tension in the air. The uneasiness squandered once you placed the hot home cooked meal in front of him to which Sam began to dig in with merriment.

Once he finished eating, you invited him to relax on the sofa as you made your way to open the back doors. You stood in the doorway, hearing the crashing of the evening waves, finally feeling at ease with the situation.

Turning around you stood in place, ready to ask him the first question that actually popped into your head.

Calmly, you asked, “Sam… why are you here?”

His brow furrowed as he looked down, rubbing his hands on his thighs in nervousness.

“I’m, uh… I’m taking a break from the hunting life for a while. Away from Dean, everything.” He briefly licked his lips before raising his head to meet your eyes, “I had to see you… I just want to try having a normal life.”

You sat next to him on the couch, placing your hand on his knee and spoke softly, “I’m glad you came.”

The corners of his lips flicked up, “I-I don’t know how to do this… but I want this, I really do… I want-”

He stopped short, placing his hand on top of yours, his fingers curled under to give you a gentle squeeze.

You squeezed back as you spoke in a low voice, “I’m here for you, Sam, always. You don’t have to be alone.”

The entire situation was surreal, you didn’t quite believe that just a couple hours ago you were daydreaming about having Sam here with you and here he was telling you exactly what you wanted to hear.

Suddenly your heart began to race, you felt fearless, not wanting to waste a moment you had with him. You stood up, holding on to his hand, gently tugging him to follow you. With every couple of steps, you looked back at him with a shy smile that he reciprocated.

Once you entered your bedroom, you turned to face Sam and was taken aback by his sudden movements. He tugged your hand towards his chest, pressing his free hand to the small of your back to hold you close to him. You were breathless as you looked up at his lust-filled eyes, half-expecting him to completely ravish you at this point, but he simply gazed at you. Not realizing you held your breath, you finally exhaled, lips parted.

It wasn’t a rush of passion, it was slow and enticing. Sam leaned into you, his soft lips gently meeting yours. You were joyous when you felt the same sparks from years ago, smiling into the kiss. The two of you could’ve stayed like that forever but when you let out a sigh, Sam began to deepen the kiss, his tongue delving, caressing against you. Your sighs turned to needy moans, already feeling wet at your arousal. At that point you began undressing each other, slowly removing each item of clothing from each other’s body, kissing the just-revealed skin. Sam took longer as he grazed his soft lips against you, cherishing every inch of your body.

By the time the two of you ended up in bed, you were dizzy with desire. Sam entered you with ease, his thick cock stretching and filling you deep, making you moan when you felt him swell inside you, getting harder. You were wound tight, knowing it wouldn’t take long for you to find release once he began to move. Sam kept close to you, brief kisses and short breaths as his hips rocked into you. It was all feeling like too much, being so close, gazing into each other’s eyes, the short thrusts that hit just the right spot.

You began to chant his name your pitch getting higher as you got closer. But it was the moment that Sam came undone that catapulted you to ecstasy. His hips pistoning, his hard shaft throbbing into you as he groaned your name. That was the moment you felt it, the overwhelming pleasure, seeing stars, the beautiful sparks.

All these years, the two of you kept contact with your voice, your words. That emotional connection was always there. That first night that you were together was pleasurably cathartic to finally have a conversation between your bodies.

The next morning, you realized that waking up next to Sam was your favorite thing in the world. It was a lovely sight as your eyes fluttered open, hearing the patter of rain against the window but to see bright sunflower eyes on Sam’s beautiful face. The two of you lay in bed, seemingly forever looking into each other’s eyes, capturing the moment of peace as if you two were the only beings in existence. Feeling loved, safe, at home with each other - this was what you both needed.

For the rest of the week you and Sam did everyday normal things - grocery shopping, laundry, lazily sitting down on the couch - all the things that most people would find boring but with Sam was a dream come true. It also didn’t hurt that Sam enjoyed being playful and passionate when things around the house got a little too quiet.

As the two of you were getting ready to sleep one night, you turned off the light on the bedside table before snuggling against Sam in the dark. His hand lazily caressed your back, making you hum.

Sam took a deep breath in and exhaled before asking with a smile, “how did I get so lucky to have you in my life?”

You chuckled, responding in a whisper, “because you saved my life, Sam Winchester.”

In that instant, you swear you felt his hand tense and pause against your back. Hoping to distract him before you drifted to slumber, you told Sam that you wanted to wake up early, that you wanted to see the sunrise with him.

It was the one thing you wanted to do with him that you still didn’t get a chance to do.

In a comforting whisper, he promised he would.

You awoke the next morning to the bright sunshine beaming through the curtains, feeling disappointed that Sam didn’t wake you but bargained that you’d be able to have an afternoon walk along the shore. Turning over, you noticed Sam wasn’t in bed.

You padded towards the kitchen, calling out his name. Turning your head, your eyes fell on the kitchen table where you found a letter. A feeling of dread washed over you as you lifted the paper in your hands to read the familiar neat script of Sam’s handwriting.

  
_Y/N,_

_Being with you this past week, it’s something I’ll always treasure and will keep close to my heart._

_Dean called me asking me to come back. There are big things coming soon, horrible things and being with you, knowing how much there is to protect. I need to do this, I need to protect you, the world._

_I’m so sorry I have to leave you now, leave you like this. But I know I wouldn’t be able to leave if I told you in person._

_Last night you reminded me that I saved your life. Saving people, hunting things. It’s what I do, it’s what my family does._

_I understand if I’ve hurt you. It hurts me to write this, but I don’t want you to hurt anymore._

_I don’t what is going to happen, but I don’t want you to wait for me in case it goes bad. Just know that if the world is still safe, if you’re still safe, then it’s all been worth it._

_I love you, Y/N._

_I love more than you’ll ever know._

_Sam_

  
The letter slipped from your hand as you collapsed, falling to your knees, and feeling emptiness. Just when you thought he’d stay, just when you had your dream come true, Sam was gone from your life once again.

It was then you realized what danger Sam was warning you about all those years ago. He didn’t mean an evil danger, the danger was falling in love with him. Falling in love with a hunter, a lifestyle bound with the purpose to save lives but ironically didn’t allow them to have one to call their own.

But Sam loved you, you had the proof. There was an undeniable connection between the two of you and you refused to give up the hope that you’d see him again one day despite what he wrote in the letter.

* * *

Life went on, it always did, but you were stubborn as years passed in silence with no sign of Sam. Even though Sam’s letter pretty much said that you’d never see him again, you still had hope. You kept faithful to him, knowing you couldn’t ever forgive yourself if you slept with another man. Knowing that Sam didn’t make the same promise didn’t matter to you, not when he was living a different kind of lifestyle. It made sense that if a person was consistently dealing with life or death that they’d take any chance to feel pleasure, even if it was with someone they’d never see again. It was something you tried not to think about it… the loneliness of being in love with Sam Winchester was enough heartbreak.

You tried to occupy yourself, reading all sorts of books on myth, folklore, urban legends… anything related to the supernatural. It just made you feel closer to Sam.

One morning you drifted to sleep on the sofa, the heavy text about the paranormal failed to capture your attention. You were stirred awake by the sound of a chime, your eyes widened to realize it was the familiar ringtone you haven’t heard in years.

You scrambled to answer it, knowing it would provide some explanation even if it was a worst case scenario.

“Hello?” you answered hesitantly.

“Y/N,” Sam sighed in relief, “it’s good to hear your voice. Listen, I need to make this quick, are you still at the beach house?”

“Yes,” you breathed, in shock that you were hearing Sam’s voice again.

“I’ll explain later but thank you for answering. You’ve always been there when I needed you most. I’ll see you soon enough.”

The phone clicked shortly after and the silence entered your life once again. For the rest of the day, you felt numb, not wanting to read anymore, not wanting to do anything. As you curled up in bed, you realized why you were feeling this way. That short phone call felt like Sam broke your heart all over again.

You had enough the numbness, you needed to get out of this funk that you placed yourself in all these years. Finally dragging yourself out of bed with the blankets wrapped around you, you opened the back door, stepping outside to feel the mist of rain on your face. It was refreshing, calling you to step down to the beach. As you felt the cold, wet sand underneath your feet, you appreciated the brisk feeling drawing you out of the void.

The rain began to fall harder, coaxing you to walk closer towards the shore, helping you to indulge in your sorrows. At one time Sam was there for you when you needed him. But from then on, you were what Sam needed, on multiple occasions. You loved him and more than anything but you wanted to blame him for coming into your life, blame him for giving you hope and aspirations for a love that withstood time and adversity. It was a blessing and a curse to have met Sam Winchester.

In the distance, you turned your body when you sensed a presence nearby. You saw the familiar tall figure approach you with slow strides and could only surmise that Sam was coming back to you since he was alone in the world again. As he came closer you saw he still maintained his rugged good looks, his hair still slightly longer than before. Once he stood in front of you, his face was filled with exhaustion and his eyes were faded sunflowers glinted with hope.

His warm hand reached out to cup your chilled face, wet with rain and you sank into the touch.

“Still want to see the sunrise?” he asked in a tired voice.

That’s when your resolve fell, eyes glistening with the tears of sadness and joy.

You nodded, feeling your heart swell and ache. Again, you let him in without a fight and you only had yourself to blame, you and your wild heart.


End file.
